Battle of the bands

Remember the Britpop thing of a few years ago? The whole Blur vs Oasis thing? When everyone assumed that Blur had won the battle but lost the war?

Now, with the benefit of hindsight, we realise that Blur won the skirmish, the battle AND the war, as Damon Albarn, Alex James and chums can do no wrong - be it world music, cartoon gorillas or cheese-making - while the Gallaghers have become a bit of a joke.

But that hasn't stopped the Gallaghers mouthing off on a regular basis, keeping their column inches high even as their average chart positions get lower. Noel's been the most recent culprit, laying into Jay-Z and sneering over the idea of hip-hop at Glastonbury.

Who'd have thought of that, eh? Probably the single most popular genre in the world having a presence at Glastonbury, a festival that typically has everything from rave tents to Iberian nose flute orchestras? How ridiculous.

But apparently, according to Sir Noel of Outspoken, hip-hop isn't right. "If it ain't broke don't fix it," he sneered. "If you start to break it then people aren't going to go. I'm sorry, but Jay-Z? No chance.

"Glastonbury has a tradition of guitar music... I'm not having hip-hop at Glastonbury."

And everyone's entitled to their opinion, of course. Although we would like to point out to Noel that while he might not be having hip-hop at Glastonbury, it's not actually his decision to make. And we're also assuming that Noel was thus busy those years when The Roots, Cypress Hill and De La Soul played there.

Of course, the fact that we're still talking about his rant was probably Noel's intention all along. And no doubt the same intention of Ricky Wilson who – yep, you've guessed it – has been busy slagging off Oasis.

"Oasis have disappeared up their own arse," announced the Kaiser Chiefs frontman recently. "They think they are Led Zeppelin. They're not.

"Music has moved on and I think we are the band that most music fans would see as their successor."

The best thing about this attempt at Gallagher-goading, aside from the fact that we need more feuds in pop, is that it's drawn along War of the Roses lines, pitching the Kaisers' Yorkshire against 'mad for it' Lancashire. Forget that whole Oasis vs Blur, namby-pamby North vs South debate. This is proper old school feuding that could end in fisticuffs.

If it does, we'd tip the Kaisers - young, chunky, energetic - to take Oasis - old, bloated, unable to see past those eyebrows. And if they do, we think that means the Kaiser Chiefs then meet Jay-Z in the final...