Boring celebs rant

It's an interesting relationship we have with celebrities. We pretend to hate them or to be jealous of them or to take the mickey, but let's face it, if they didn't exist nor would we. Living would thus have a big category called " " between Living Shows and Style.

It's a relatively simple deal. The celebs go out and do stuff. We report on it. The celebs go out and do silly stuff. We get mildly sarcastic about it. They stay in the public domain, we hopefully make our readers giggle. Like we say. Simple. And it's worked that way for years.

But we have a problem. The summer tends to be a quiet time anyway but you can usually rely on someone to do something daft and / or original. You know, a spat in a nightclub. So and so stealing whatsit's boy / girlfriend. Rockstar X being found attempting to join the Mile High club. One moment of carefully judged, (probably artificial) "wildness" and they're all over the front page and everybody's happy.

So where is everyone? Yes, we had the speculation of Christian Bale in a tussle with his family and Shia LaBeouf did his best with the DUI accident, but where are the flings? The rows? The unfortunate incidents with llamas? The most outspoken "incident" on the wires today is Miley Cyrus announcing that her ideal man would be Chris Martin. Not that she's doing anything about it. Or has enjoyed an illicit, possibly illegal fling with Mr Gwyneth Paltrow. She just thinks he's nice. Yawn.

The other big stories of the day? Jade Goody - surely at 14 minutes, 59 seconds? - dropped a bottle of perfume at the launch of her new scent and Catherine Zeta Jones went out in a big hat. Woo. If Jade had dropped a bottle on Catherine Zeta Jones's hat, well, maybe we'd have a story, but is that the best you can do?

Come on celebrities. Sort it out! Mariah, give us some pearls of wisdom. Jordan, give someone a mouthful. Britney, pull a film star. We'll take anything, really we will. Because "clumsy manitee drops something" and "attractive woman wears clothing" aren't really headlines we can work with...