I like an age gap myself, but 75 years?? He's almost old enough to have his own pyramid. Not since Mrs Godzilla got hitched can any bride have looked forward to a honeymoon less.
Now, I can't pretend I've never had an affair with a much younger girl, but now I see friends doing it, I realise it's not a strong look. You feel the burning eyes of disapproving lady friends, jealous of youth and furious at its passing. You feel their bitter wrath, accusing you of shallowness and insecurity. And they don't even have to say a word to get that over.
You find yourself justifying your relationship, pointing out all the really big books she's read and the clever things she says. You hear yourself saying, "I'm amazed how much we have in common," meaning she's as obsessed with you as you are.
But amid the shame is the pride when you meet men who are in no doubt about the benefits of dating a younger girl. They're altogether different knowing looks. They're you lucky, lucky beggar looks.
A friend recently complained that his young girlfriend is wearing him out with her voracious sexual appetite. That sounds tough, mate. Wait till she reaches her sexual peak (in about 12 years time, when reaching for your pipe and slippers will put your back out.) While younger partners are great fun for men and women, it's a bit like going on holiday. It seems like paradise, but it's a kind of suspended reality. Yes, it's wonderful, but do you really want to live in a holiday resort?
Lingering on the long, tanned silken legs, gravity-defying boobs and flawless skin of a Czech au pair I had an unlikely affair with, it's tempting to say, yes, forever please. But could she have been a soulmate who you make a home with, travel the world with, for richer or poorer?
With those legs, frankly, anything's possible.
Last week: Watch the quiet ones...
